Reading about Misophonia and experiences of other people made me realize that I’m not alone in my “refined” sensitivity. There are many of us, actually, there are majority of us, it seems, being highly sensitive.
You’ll forgive me for using two terms here, oversensitive and highly sensitive. I find myself in both of those but then again, I’m not exactly everything that comes with those terms, like anyone else isn’t for sure.
How do others look at this?
When people in my real life aren’t involved in a scene or a story that I found too sad, they call me highly sensitive. If I watch the news for example, and there is a story about some poor people somewhere, I’ll probably cry. I will imagine how it is for them to live in that conditions? What do they have to eat? If someone went through an accident, or being sick or something I’ll think about them, how is it for them to live like that every day? How does their family cope with it? and so on. You know about “Pocahontas” cartoon? Yes, the cartoon! I cried on that too.
I would immediately dive deep into the lives of almost any person in need and empathize with them. The thing is, I imagine their lives and struggles in my own way, with my own feelings and emotions. Even if those people say they’re ok, I wouldn’t believe them, they’re just playing strong.
The truth is that, people are strong and they cope with what has been given to them. Just as I do. But knowing this truth can’t help me and protect me from feeling those feelings of strong empathy. I really do know that everything will be ok but that wont stop me crying at the moments when I’m introduced to their story.
I’m also perfectly capable to be perfectly rational while I’m having those moments of empathy. The rational part of me is waiting for crying to be done and those feelings come back to normal.
When people are involved in my real life, meaning that they’re my family and friends and people who spent a fair amount of time with me and went trough lots of my emotional roller coasters, they call me oversensitive. Can you see the difference between the highly and over sensitive?
People in general need some time to adjust seeing me cry and overreact on some scenes and “normal” things.
There was a period in my life when you weren’t allowed to call me oversensitive. I would immediately got so mad and angry: “What? I’m not oversensitive! Do you have any idea what I’m coping with? How it is for me? How strong I am?” etc. etc. It was, let’s say, interesting growing up being so sensitive to everything. There was also a period in my life when I thought that everyone must feel the same way.
This isn’t just about emotions. Every one of my senses are pronounced somehow.
I don’t try food I make f.e, I just lean my head over the pot or next to the oven (don’t even have to do that), smell it and know if it’s salty enough or it needs some pepper or other spice, I smell if it’s over cooked, overdone etc. If I’m in the other room I’ll smell that my bread is done.
My skin is super sensitive. I don’t wear makeup. I shower with baby shower gel and not just any kind. I don’t use any lotions or cremes. I use home made ointments. I get bruises very easily. For the most part I don’t know when and how they appear, I just see them.
My body detects every single small bump when laying on a bed. I surely can survive (not easily but..) sleeping on an uncomfortable bed one night, but the second night it would be a torture. Sleeping in hotels can be good or bad, depend on the quality of the bed there. Add Misophonia here and it’s clear enough that I don’t sleep very well.
I’ve been wearing contacts for the past 17 years. My eyes are now extremely sensitive to every temperature change, to looking at monitor all day long, to mascara f.e… My tear film is damaged so my eyes are dry and I usually wake up with the red eyes that can’t be easily opened. My peripheral vision is very developed. I notice some small things that are often overlooked by others.
For the most part, it was a burdain to carry around, but over the years I learned how to deal with it. I learned to see my pronounced emotions as a gift, not as a burdain. I am capable to share your feelings if I’m around you and you’re sad or nervous. I do understand you and I do feel for you, with a certain honesty you can’t get from the other “normal” people. You can be completely yourself when around me.
Ok… I could go on and on about every aspect of being highly sensitive person, but I can’t do that in just one post. I decided to write about my sensitivity here because it’s overlapping with Misophonia.