So, after some time living with knowing the facts about Miso I could say a few things in terms what knowing that “it’s not me it’s Misophonia” brought me in my everyday life…
Did the fact I know the name from my anger helped me in a way that I’m less angry when triggers are happening? No.
Did my tolerance to certain sounds somehow expanded? No.
Did I become less sensitive to certain sounds? No.
Just knowing the name and facts about Misophonia didn’t help me in my natural reactions to the sound itself but it did help me in a way that I stopped seeing myself as an angry person.
Do I cope with sounds in a more efficient way? Yes and no.
Yes in a sense that I’m now avoiding situations as much as possible. Before, I would just sit and pray for the torture to go away as quickly as possible. Just yesterday when I went to pick up my kids at my parent’s I came in the moment when they and my grandfather (huge trigger) were eating lunch. I immediately went to a certain very small area (a corner) in the kitchens where I can hide from seeing them and I played there with my kids. I was laughing, engaging them with singing and else… just to shut down their noises and tingling of the dishes. And it worked. Not perfectly, but comparing to earlier ways of coping with their eating, I can call it successful.
No, because the pure fact that you’re aware what is happening in those moments when it’s happening, can’t help you. It’s not a magic pill that can stop your nerves and brain do what ever they were doing before.
If I see certain movements/ hear certain sounds, my reaction is still much faster then my ability to stop it. The reaction won’t go away if I tell myself: “Hey relax it’s not you it’s Miso doing it’s own thing” It’s actually funny talking like this, but trust me there’s nothing funny about it when it’s happening.
Did knowing that there are others who understand help me? Tremendously!
All the time while triggers are happening and I’m not able to escape from them, there’s a mantra I’m telling myself ” I’m going to tell Leonore/someone on the net… I can talk about it on my blog… someone will understand…” And it really is a huge help that you have someone to tell about it and not worrying about will he/she understand that in a way it should be understood.
Hatred is a very powerful word. Maybe it should be deleted from our systems. Hatred bring lots of burden with itself. Saying : “I hate someone” and “I hate someone’s voice, the way he/she talks, eating, gesticulation etc.” isn’t accepted well by people who listen about Miso. The difference between those two sentences is mostly overlooked. People will rather just stop with understanding when they hear “I hate” part.
Did knowing about Miso and people who share the same experience as me help me in saying out loud about Miso in real life? No.
I just don’t have and don’t expect much support regarding my Miso. As I mention earlier, my experience in telling someone wasn’t that good (except for my brothers I have to say) and I’m just not feeling that comfortable telling people. I’ll rather run from a situation than ask for understanding.
I have understanding from people on net and trust me when I say that I’m very grateful for you guys!
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