Chasing a shot or, I suck

Well, the last weekend was successful for taking some shots, I think. I had just two available hours for going somewhere, being somewhere for taking shots and returning to home. I manage to get 8 keepers. I would call that successful.

This week and weekend I would call unsuccessful! Completely. I would actually use much stronger word for explaining but I can’t find it in my vocabulary.

I was chasing some shots and I wasn’t able to catch any. I suck!

I guess it’s a normal life circle, sometimes you gain sometimes you loose. But at the time you’re winning you feel you’ll always going to win. Now, I feel I’m always going to lose.

I had a bit of available time, my husband was in a mood to come with me and we even brought our children on one occasion.

The first try. I finished my working day, we picked up our children, went in a grocery store and I asked my husband about some possible places for shooting panorama at night. I had an idea to take a panorama of our small town, at night. The town is in a valley and hills, surrounded by mountains.  He said: “Ok, let’s go home for you to take the camera and we will all go on two places.” With two toddlers in car. The first place wasn’t something, I wanted a nicer view. The moment we got there was the moment we went back.

The second place was something, but I just couldn’t find a good spot without branches and trees in front of me. Good was: I had opportunity and the camera. Everything else was just bad bad bad. The wind started to blow pretty strong. Children started to be nervous, there wasn’t a chance for them to get out of the car at the weather like that. I was in a hurry. I set the tripod and tried to dial some settings in dark. After two minutes my husband asked: “Are you done?” I was worried that the wind will blow out the tripod, the camera and me all at once. I was so willing just to take three shots, but…It wont happen… The second my 18 months old asked for potty I’was done.

The second try. I wanted to take a photo of an old train. I saw the train on the Facebook. I got an idea about where the train was but I wasn’t sure about the exact location. My husband wanted to come with me. Again, I had some available time but everything else was just bad bad bad. The weather was bad, the wind was strong. After driving some time and finding absolutely no train or anything interesting to shoot, we decided to get back. On the way back we stopped few times just to click with the camera few times, some trees, some berries, but nothing, I mean nothing decent I produced! I deleted every photo I took. They were all just awful. That night I was speaking on the phone with my brother and telling him about the train. He explained me where the train lives.  It was just a few more minutes the ride from the spot we decided to go back! Fool. I could call him earlier.

The third try. Self portrait in my home. I’m struggling with self portraits. The only decent selportrait I took was for Avatar purposes. I just loose almost everything I know when it comes to self portraits. I suck, and I’m serious. I’m hopeless and helpless. The idea was just to take a decent head and shoulder self portrait an I couldn’t do it. I froze. I look scared or like someone sucked the life out of me. I can’t smile, and I can’t feel a thing looking at the camera.  I have no ideas and those I have I can’t do it. Not yet. I hate being on the other side of the camera.

I know I have to do it. I’ll learn a lot and I need to overcome that fear/awkwardness in front of the camera. Maybe it would be easier if someone actually photographed me, instead I’m taking the shots, but I have no available photographer to ask so I’m doomed to myself.

Finally I gave up on head and shoulder photo and sat down on a spot I’m comfortable with and took a selfie. A keeper. Sort of. It was my best try, but the best because it was the least worse then others. I have one word for me…terrible!

Chris edited that selfie photo and was too kind, but even he couldn’t save my failure. I think he done the best possible for that photo but still, I failed and that can’t be fixed. He chose a great color, great textures and his edit was great. He managed to create a certain feel that suits to my expression, but still I don’t feel the shot because I look empty. It’s my fault. I just want to say: Thank you Chris for taking the time and effort to try to fix my selfie. I feel bad now, because I took your time. I wont be taking your time anymore, unless I produce something decent… Sorry!

I’ll post that photo here later.

So, last few days were just about me failing, failing and failing.

I wanted so bad to get just one keeper, but it didn’t happen. Maybe I’ll just give up and give someone my camera…

Oh don’t worry, I’m not giving up that easy, I’ll just wait until the universe decide to help me take a decent  shot.

Author Description

I love photography and learning about it. I'll try and fail that's for sure, but sometimes, I hope, I'll do good. As for the Misophonia part of the blog, I'll write honestly about my experiences and feelings, trying to help myself and others who feel the same way as I do and maybe to raise some awareness about this condition. All written here is just and only my opinion.

2 Responses to “Chasing a shot or, I suck”

  1. Patrick Bingbang February 5, 2014 - Reply

    Do not desperate. Taking pictures might need that you do not fear that you won’t succeed in taking good pictures, or the result could precisely be that you won’t succeed in taking good pictures, how hard you are trying. A mind free of fear about failure is like a blank page free of crappy annotations; it gives you plenty of room for writing a nice story.

    • mmaria February 5, 2014 - Reply

      Nice point of view Patrick! And as always, I appreciate your words!

Leave a Reply to Patrick Bingbang

Leave a Reply to Patrick Bingbang Cancel Reply

Your email address will not be published.