Denise asked me: “Can Misophonia be selective?” My answer is “Yes. Misophonia can be selective.”
As everything written here, this is just about my experience and my Misophonia. Some people are probably affected by numerous sounds produced by numerous/all people, but my Miso is extremely selective. I’m trying, for years, to comprehend criteria that my Miso takes in consideration when chooses who will be doomed and who will be left alone.
My biggest triggers are sounds and movements made by the people I love the most. Here I’m talking about my family and here I’ll exclude my children because their sounds/movements started recently to get me. I don’t know how will this develop but I know I’m scared.
It’s like the simplest equation there is “I love the most= I hate their sounds/movements the most”. Those people are certainly the last I want to be triggered by and I think that fact is the biggest curse of Misophonia.
However, there are some people in my life that I deeply care about and that I don’t mind at all!
Over the years I was trying to find what is it that some people have and therefore my Miso forgive them when they make noises I would usually mind. I have a couple of girlfriends who can do whatever they want to do and I wont mind. I wont mind at all! They can eat a whole day without stopping and I wouldn’t mind. Two of them f.e. are completely different in every aspect of the life but the characteristic they have in common is that they both are kind of shy. But shy in a most beautiful, appealing way. Just like a child’s shyness in all its honesty.
Actually, I’ve just realize that Leonore is like them. Leonore introduced me to Misophonia for those of you who didn’t read my first posts. Leonore, if you’re reading this just know that you can chew freely all the carrots and apples in my presence
That shyness I mentioned is one of the human characteristics I admire and love the most. It’s so rare nowadays to discover something so honest, uncontrolled and pure in a person. Maybe because I found that characteristic so fascinating and for that reason it has somehow more power then Miso has in my brain? I don’t know… I’m just trying to understand here. If you know the answer, tell me/us please!
People I don’t care about and new people I meet, influence me differently.
Yesterday, when I was on a project presentation, 7 experts were talking something during one hour time. 4 of them didn’t trigger me at all. I was perfectly fine listening to them speaking, and seeing their gesticulation. One guy had pronounced gesticulation when showing some charts and a particular grimace when accentuating something but I didn’t care. I was just feeling normal.
Just to be clear here, even though I’m not triggered by some people , that doesn’t mean that I’m not registering their sounds or movements. I register them all, but I just don’t react on them.
People I judge from the first site as being full of themselves will certainly bother me with their sounds/movements.
The second person talking at the presentation demanded all my inner strength to activate itself and try to listen to him. He was so full of himself. He liked the sound of his voice, his posture and movements were so confident and annoying. He made numerous grimaces and tone changes while speaking. I wont be very happy if I have to work with him in the future.
And, also, there she was. A person that I wanted to like.
A beautiful black woman started to speak and I was stunned by her beauty. The tone of her voice was strong and pleasant for listening. It was completely opposite of her body type and height, but completely suitable for the “Flood management” presentation she made. I wanted to photograph her. The light that wasn’t flattering to the speakers before but it looked great on her skin and face features. She spoke with the short and clear sentences colored by the London accent. While she was speaking I didn’t hear a word she sad! I was enjoying. I was just observing her (photography related) and enjoying her tone of voice. Until she woke me up. She shocked me with the “tscok” sound she made, she smacked with her tongue and lips so loudly that I fringed every time when I heard/saw that. She also licked her lips often. I did mind that too.
I soo wanted to not be triggered by her but my brain and my feelings were not agreeing on this one.
I guess there is/was something about her I do mind subconsciously but I can’t figure out what is that!
I’m analyzing every person I come across asking myself numerous question about them, myself in relation to them and everything else. Over the years I became an analyzing human machine. I analyze everything. Sometimes that’s good, other times it’s not, but I know that it helped me a lot. Now I’m just automatically doing that.
Why my brain is being selective? Why it chooses not to react on some people? Based on what it makes that decision?
If you noticed something related to when your Miso reacts and when not please post a comment so we can help each other as much as we can.