Comments on: Selectivenes of Misophonia https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html Blog about Misophonia and photography Thu, 25 Jun 2015 10:50:31 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.0.38 By: mmaria https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-49033 Wed, 26 Nov 2014 07:41:32 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-49033 Valerie,

I completely understand your point of view and can find myself in your story. I’m very empathetic also and worry about other people but honestly, not that much. So agree with you that it’s emotionally draining!
I haven’t really thought about Miso-empathy in the way you described “being compelled to pay attention because you’re doing that non stop for other things.” Maybe because I connect empathy with something that’s ok, even good, and Miso I connect with everything that’s opposite of ok and good.
You also mentioned “sensory overload” and I do think it has a big part in Miso reactions.
I’m curious did you try to change your “feeling bad when not paying attention to others” and to what extent you could actually change it because it seems that you’re doing that because you’re very empathetic and on top of tat because you’re taught to be that way?

]]> By: Valerie https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-23525 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 19:38:59 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-23525 This might be totally unrelated, but I’ve been wondering about a connection between people with higher levels of empathy and miso as well. I was raised to constantly be aware of how I was affecting others….to an extreme. Always told I was being too loud, or stepping in someone’s way, or inconveniencing someone in some way. Because of this, I’m constantly worrying over inconveniencing people and constantly telling my husband to get out of the passing lane while driving, or to keep his voice down for the neighbors, or not to swear in public because there might be children, and on top of all this worry I am constantly paying attention to everyone around me and their reactions and body language….it’s emotionally DRAINING. So I think that miso is just the straw breaking the camel’s back. I’m already on sensory overload, when along comes this soft/repetitive noise that because of my empathy/whatever-it-is I feel COMPELLED to give my attention to! Like I feel bad for ignoring or missing anything coming from anyone around me, and I can’t NOT pay attention to it! But when it’s added to everything else I’m already trying to pay attention to, the annoyance and interruption is so great that I cannot handle it, turning it into a fight or flight response. Haha. Take it or leave it, this is my personal miso theory :)

]]> By: Sheila https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-159 Sun, 06 Apr 2014 16:58:33 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-159 It’s interesting, I thought much about a connection between empathy and control but never came up with the idea of control acting as defense mechanism for high empathy. That makes a lot of sense.
I suppose that one healthy way of dealing with this is really setting limits, already in advance if possible. In that way the level of control is from the beginning on measured, rational; it would release from the need to compensate for an over-emphatic attitude with hyper-control.
Of course, that’s easier said than done. But I guess that’s part of what we have to work on..

]]> By: mmaria https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-152 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 09:19:12 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-152 I’ve just watched this video and I certainly recommend it for everyone who is working on their self acceptance.
But this is actually a great example for my Miso being selective. The first speaker, the woman with the short hair (didn’t remember their names, sorry) triggered my Miso as soon as she started to speak. The controlled tone of her voice and all her controlled movements and accentuation of words bothered me. She relaxed a bit in the very end when she smiled a bit sincerely. The person who was talking the most, didn’t trigger me at all. She made impression of a truly nice and “being truly herself” person. She gesticulated much and make much mimicking but I didn’t mind at all. I enjoyed.

]]> By: mmaria https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-150 Tue, 01 Apr 2014 06:35:19 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-150 I’ll certainly will watch that video.
I, like you, spent a lot of time thinking about the empathy, or should I say, I had to because I needed the protection for myself. Highly pronounced empathy needed a defensive mechanism. Again, the control.
I learned to deal with my empathy in another healthier way but we then have to leave all the rationality and enter to the sphere of spirituality.
When a person really wants to change themselves or just “upgrade” to a better version the role of the recognition of what is really going on and being able to rationally step aside from your feelings is, I think, the most important in that change.

]]> By: Sheila https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-144 Sun, 30 Mar 2014 12:19:48 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-144 The control issue – like you also speak about in your OCD post – is also what I’ve seen as the source for all these issues in me for a very long time.

It’s only recently that I came up with the idea that it might also have something to do with empathy. And actually, I think there is also a relation between the two – control and empathy. Empathy is me stretching myself outwards, outside of myself and into the mental or emotional territory of the other. And with control issues it is the same movement just in the opposite direction – the other enters my sphere.

I wonder whether the point connecting both may be a lack of borders between me and the other in my mind. When I say this, I don’t mean to say that there is an actual lack of borders, but rather really just in my mind. That I cannot see with clear vision the place where I end and the other begins, the place where they end and I begin.

If you’d like to think a bit deeper about the empathy direction, I’d recommend you to watch video No. 6 (“Understanding Empathy and Shame”) under this link: http://live.soundstrue.com/selfacceptance/. You need to sign in, but it’s free. And there are a few things there that are definitely thought provoking.

]]> By: mmaria https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-133 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 07:44:13 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-133 Sheila,
first off all, please don’t apologize, I’m so happy for the fact you found me and we’re able to talk about this subject. I’m grateful for your questions because they tell me that there is someone who understand and approached this almost the same as I do.
Funny you mentioned sloppiness as an example. Could you give me another, easier example, because that characteristic is one of few that I extremely react on? ;)
I have to agree with you here completely. I learned to deal with it, it didn’t go away.
Some characteristics I managed to fully invalidate trough that process of accepting the differences but some, like sloppiness, I didn’t. I just learned to deal with it. My emotional response towards that characteristic didn’t change in the core, but the conscious decision about what will I do with those feelings did. That is when observing myself without Miso. Adding Miso in this equation (those moments when triggers are happening), will produce, along with the strong Miso reaction, these feelings: I feel angry at myself and sad because it’s like I’m again at the beginning of that “coping with certain characteristics” journey.
I’ll add here that I think my tendency for “being in control of everything” have a huge role and didn’t help either.
But, in the other hand, is it really possible to be that much of a tolerable person in general? Talking about non Miso people here. Do we ask too much from ourselves?
I remember my grand mother behavior towards this mentioned characteristic. It was the same as mine. Too bad she passed away before I found out about Miso because we did have lots of in common. Genetic role here also?

As for your second question, my answer is, I do. In my case, those images following my reactions are more intense when there’s a feeling of disgust involved with particular triggers and people. And I completely agree with your opinion on empathy.

]]> By: Sheila https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-124 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 17:56:55 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-124 Your behavior towards and reactions to those people have changed, but has your basic attitude towards that which doesn’t go by your rules – in general and specifically in other people’s personalities and behaviors – changed? (Do you truly feel respect for the “other” or have you just learned to deal with a certain disrespect, tolerate the “other”, after having convinced yourself that you should do so?)

Forgive me if these questions sound a bit sharp, I am asking you actually as reflection of myself… I know that in my case, I suffer often from triggers around people who, for example, I find to be sloppy (contrary to myself). And in the moments of triggered Miso, I feel a general impression of sloppiness in the air… And I’ve learned to respect the fact that they’re different to me and I love them and respect them as people very much, but still, this impression of sloppiness is there when Miso happens.. So I ask myself whether I’ve truly learned to accept this quality of sloppiness as part of my life or simply managed to tolerate it.

Another question (from quite a different angle) that comes to my mind now: When your Miso is triggered, do you sense a more intense physicality of the action that causes the sound? For example, if it’s chewing, do you get an image or a feeling of what’s going on in that mouth at that moment? Or if it’s this kind of snorting sound, do you get a feeling in your throat?

This perspective of looking at the selectivity of triggers is connected, in my opinion, with an overly high level of empathy towards our environment. This would also explain why the people closest to us are the ones by whom we are most affected. And why things that we feel are unpleasant trigger more often or more intensely.

Apologies for the long reply :-)
But I’d really love to know what you think.. :-)

]]> By: mmaria https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-123 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 06:59:21 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-123 Maddie,
I think also that, the more time you spend with the person and more frequently you see or hear their specific sounds or movements, the more you’ll be bothered by them.
For me, it’s not that easy to not pay attention on someone. It’s in my blood now. I automatically detect small details in or on a person and that just can’t be stopped. But somehow Miso chooses when it will react and when not, and that I want to figure out. I manage to understand a lot but, not enough.

]]> By: mmaria https://soundsofshutter.com/misophonia/selectivenes-of-misophonia.html#comment-122 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 06:53:47 +0000 http://soundsofshutter.com/?p=1089#comment-122 Sorry for not replying you earlier.
I guess I can say this, I used to be a judgmental person, but I did change that and my attitude towards people changed. It wasn’t easy and I worked a lot on myself over the years. I used to have an emotional reaction when judging people that don’t fit my own rules. I’m not like that anymore. I don’t react emotionally and I don’t judge people like that anymore… but I still don’t agree with the thing they do f.e. It’s different now, my attitude towards them is different and better, but my Miso it’s the same, attitude changed or not.

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