I want you to read my blog and come again, I want to get to know more people, but I feel obligated to tell you more about me. You need to know some things about me before you decide to spend some time here with me. That’s only fair.
This is not a try at justifying myself for my behavior, actions, or my grimly look. I can’t do that, either you’ll accept me or not, it’s entirely up to you. And before you do try to accept me note that I wont make any moves to bring you closer to me or to make you welcomed.
I’m not shy or anything like that, it’s just, somehow along the way I chose not to make that many compromises. It’s not worthy, for both of us.
I’ll make all kinds of judgments over you just by glancing at you. The way you stand, the way you’re caring your body, the way you’re smiling… Chances are that I wont be your friend if I catch you smiling fake at something or someone.
No one is perfect, especially me, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against you, but I have something against the way you’re handling certain situations and that’s why we wont be friends. If you don’t fit in my little book of norms then better to be apart. I’m not even sure if I fit in my norms.
If you’re too pushy with your attitude and opinions I’ll probably let you be, but we’re done, right there.
Not that I have something against you but probably I would mind how are you:
- eating and breathing,
- if your voice change when you catch cold,
- if I notice that you want to please others,
- if you’re doing things slowly, talk slowly, walk slowly, make a lunch slowly, getting ready to go slowly and everything else that cross your mind, if you’re doing those slowly then I’ll become nervous and you’ll become nervous
- if you take your coffee any other way then strong, black and without the sugar, we wont be friends. (just kidding here … but seriously, if you take coffee any other way that’s not coffee at all, just saying…)
If you are more then 30 years old and you behave like a child. Grow up!
I wont be there to wake you up if you’re still sleeping. But also, I wont understand why you can’t make that effort to wake up and toss all excuses and reasons why you can’t do that. It’s entirely up to you. Wake up.
Because of my Miso luggage I’ll notice every mimicking and grimace on your face, I’ll pick up your movements even before you are aware of making them.
I’ll notice every little change in the tone of your voice and I’ll know that you’re insecure. Everyone is in some moments, trust me.
I’ll scan your body and in a few seconds and notice your little imperfections. I don’t care about those imperfections. No body is perfect, relax. However, I do care about the way you handle those imperfections.
I’ll be posing you in my mind trying to get the best pose and angle for your body type, for cricked nose, double chin, round head and else . That’s photography speaking.
If you’re wearing makeup I’ll wonder why, when you are beautiful without it.
I’ll look at your mouth instead of eyes when we are talking to each other. If the tone of your voice or something you do unconsciously bugs me, I can’t look at your eyes. You’ll see.
I’ll look at your eyes when I doubt your emotions. If you’re smiling without the real smile I’ll look at you then, observing and wondering about your life and what made you to make that decision that it’s OK to not smile sincerely.
I’ll judge everything about you…
There’s even more but let’s check my other side.
If I accept you, based on my personal feel and norms, then I’ll turn into a funny person. I actually do laugh and enjoy tasteful humor.
If you’re shy and I see a bit of sparkle in your eyes or an honest tiny smile, I’ll open you. I immediately feel a need to open that shelve of yours and I’ll do everything in order to get closer to you. You have a pass. I’ll accept you and forgive you for everything in advance.
If I notice any kind of modesty presence in your being I’ll love you, I’ll be as sympathetic as someone gets to be and I’ll do everything in my power to help you with anything I could do.
You’ll be permitted to call me at any time of the nigh and I’ll rush to you to give you what you need.
I’ll be probably crying when you cry and feel joy when you feel it. I’ll cry when you graduate, gave birth or get a much wanted job. I’ll cry out of happiness and I’ll cry out of sorrow. What ever is happening in your life I’ll participate with feelings as it was my own life… actually that’s not the truth entirely, I’ll cry more for you then I’ll cry for myself.
If you want to talk, I can be there as long as you need me.
And maybe more importantly, why would YOU accept ME in your life? I don’t know really, you might as well just give it up now.
I wasn’t always like that, to be clear. Me before and me after are pretty different people. I went from being outgoing and very social, to being more introvert and enjoy my solitude.
I shared a fair amount of my time with people I didn’t necessary truly liked. But why would I do that any more? Why spend a half of hour with someone and felt nothing after that time? Or why I would be around you if we don’t share energies and feel unpleasant, or even worse, we feel nothing at all?
It’s entirely up to you.
If just one person, out of one hundred who stumble across this blog decide to share some time with me, I’ll feel I succeeded. That one person will see more and understand. I want that person to be around me.