Comments on: Being a Miso mom

By: mmaria

mmaria — Thu, 20 Feb 2014 07:55:55 +0000

Oh Suzanne,
you made me cry! Thank you so much for writing this!
You presented this like it’s simple and “normal” and I’ll need to find a way to think like that and act accordingly. I’ve never thought of this like “everyone has something”… I guess I have to make a peace with myself in order to go trough this with them. I already know it won’t be an easy task to accomplish. I’m going to need some time.
I accepted myself and Miso in every other aspects of life, except with my children. I’m drowning in mixed and heavy emotions.
I honestly don’t know how I would survive without you, other Miso moms.
As I already said, you’ll serve me as a positive and optimistic example!
I’ll invite you in my mind every time I go trough hard times.Thanks again!
All the best! -hugs-

By: Suzanne

Suzanne — Thu, 20 Feb 2014 07:28:14 +0000

I’m a mother and now grandmother. I’ve dealt with misophonia from my earliest childhood memories. My kids have had to introduce my affliction to their dumbfounded spouses. My daughter has taught her children about Grandma’s “special need”. And that’s all that it is. Almost everyone we meet has a “special need” of one variety or another. My grandson’s best friend was stricken with leukemia in kindergarten. My son in law has ADHD. My husband can’t participate in many activities with them due to his back pain. It is a lesson in compassion and forgiveness to learn to help those that are struggling. Be open with your children, and enlist their help. Remind them often that their noises are not bad, that they are not wrong for eating, or breathing, or sniffling when they are sick. They will need reminders as you make hasty exits away from the sounds; from your children. It is hard, but I often think of how blessed I am to be with them at all. In the history of the world, there are many mothers deprived of the company of their children altogether. My misophonia has taken a toll. All disabilities do. But life is a learning curve, and we are all pretty resilient. Forgive yourself, and trust in the love your children have for you. They can do this. You can do this. But don’t try to go it alone. They are tougher than you think, and you will all learn together. Keep smiling, and keep taking pictures! (That may define you for them more than the Miso! I am also a photographer and my kids would tell you that that part of my personality was more embarrassing to them than anything else. “No one else’s mom follows them everywhere with a camera! Pleeease stop!” In the end, they were grateful for the captured memories, and they learned very good table manners! Life is still good, even when it’s not ideal. Best wishes tou you and your family! Keep smiling!

By: mmaria

mmaria — Wed, 19 Feb 2014 17:17:38 +0000

Debbie,

thank you so much!

I’m sure that other moms who will be reading what you wrote will find this very helpful and hopeful! I know I did!
I appreciate everything you said and I think of you often. You serve me as a positive and optimistic example!

By: Debbie

Debbie — Wed, 19 Feb 2014 16:03:47 +0000

Thank you so much for this lovely, vulnerable, heart-wrenching yet hope-filled account of your experience. I’m sorry for what you feel. For what you are facing & for the realization that your most precious gifts have become triggers.

I cannot say it will get better but I can say that knowing & understanding it is a huge advantage. I wish I knew when my kids were your ages. At least it was an explanation. And thankfully the emotions would subside as quickly as the triggers would.

It may seem like the worst thing in the world–and I won’t say there won’t be times of feeling horrible, but I can say you will raise aware, kind & considerate children with an understanding of those around them…not only those with Miso, but with many things. They will adapt, they will be fine. In their home it will be a normal environment.

I grew up with a Miso Mom & never knew it & I have miso & raised 4 children, now ages 18, 20, 22 & 24. It’s possible. They are great children. They know my love & compassion for them is immovable. They also know to not eat around me without bringing me earplugs–it’s normal life, they accept it.

You can do this & your children will be just fine. Apologies go a long way. We all make mistakes & it’s great for our kids to see us acknowledge them & ask for forgiveness. Humility is a great character trait to pass on & tolerance for what we cannot change & patience for what we don’t understand are also great shaping tools as well. You got this. One day at a time my miso friend. You got this.

By: mmaria

mmaria — Wed, 19 Feb 2014 06:24:38 +0000

Thank you Sharon for giving me the support!
You’re right about being self critical and my logic knows that I need to focus on what is good, but…just…right now, my heart is speaking and I’m not able to listen to my logic.
I know that everything will be ok, if I have you Misos, beside me.

By: mmaria

mmaria — Wed, 19 Feb 2014 06:18:56 +0000

Oh Judi,
I can’t put anything in my ears anymore. They’re physically sensitive on everything (earphones, earplugs)… I hope some day they’ll become less sensitive. I try from time to time, but they hurt.
My kids will must deal with this but from the place I’m standing now, what are you saying is a huge accomplishment. To teach them how to deal with it, ask them to understand and in the same time asking from myself not to be so mad and bad! I honestly don’t know if I’m capable for that all.
You Miso moms are keeping me sane. Thank you!

By: Judi Hardesty

Judi Hardesty — Wed, 19 Feb 2014 00:12:36 +0000

You are not alone. I use kleenex in my ears anytime I have to deal with eating with others. I use white noise generators that are available for phones and tablets. The one I like the best is “white noise” I use in ear ear phones. These coping mechanisms are saving my sanity and relationships. I wish I could have had them earlier in my life. Your kids will be able to deal with what you have. They will think everyone is that way when they are young because they won’t know any difference.

By: Sharon H

Sharon H — Tue, 18 Feb 2014 22:13:27 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing. You explain your thoughts, feelings and experiences about misophonia in a way that makes me feel so much less alone in the panic and difficulty of it all.
About your experience as a mother – instead of worrying about the negative things you may do in the future you could focus on the positives. On why they are so lucky to have you as a mother – how you are able to give them so much love that other parents not may be able to give. On how much you clearly care.
Focus on what you give, on all the ‘goods’ not on potentially ‘bad’ behaviors in the future.
Like so many Misos you are probably very self critical – i know that i am.